


right side of rock bottom

by superhusbands



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 18:16:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6968557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superhusbands/pseuds/superhusbands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“How is it so difficult for you to get this through your head?” Raphael snarled, though there was something flickering in his eyes that Simon couldn’t put his finger on. “You’re not one of them anymore. You’re not a mundane anymore. They might have been your family before but they’re not anymore. You’re one of us. We are your family now, your blood, your clan. You betrayed us, betrayed your own people, for some walking blood bags who –“</p>
            </blockquote>





	right side of rock bottom

“Well, well,” Simon bristled when he heard a voice from behind him, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end as he swallowed thickly. He’d known that this would happen – how couldn’t he have? Raphael had ordered the clan to kill him and then he’d willingly come back to the DuMort as soon as the sun had gone down. If someone decided to rip him apart now he wouldn’t be all that surprised. “Either you have a death wish, baby, or you’ve severely underestimated me.”

Wincing, Simon rose to his feet and shoved his hands into his pockets. All things considered, running into Raphael was probably the best case scenario in this situation.  Everyone else would rip him apart straight away. Raphael, at least, might throw a few scathing remarks and sarcastic at him before he did it. Either way, he was toast. “No, I don’t have a death wish… and I know you probably could, and maybe will, kill me for being here,” he fumbled slightly, averting his gaze and focusing anywhere else but at the piercing eyes that were practically glaring daggers through him, “but I needed to talk to you. I needed to explain –“

“Explain what?” Raphael shot back, arms crossed tightly over his chest. His jacket looked snug, clinging to his biceps, and Simon couldn’t help but think it was a miracle that the material didn’t rip. Not that he’d mind. He’d seen Raphael without a shirt on once… and yeah, wow, he hadn’t had any complaints. “Explain how you betrayed your own kind? Betrayed all of us, let Camille go, all for a couple of _Shadowhunters?”_

“No, not a couple of Shadowhunters.” Simon corrected him. “My friends – my best friend, and Jocelyn… she was practically a second mother to me growing up. I wasn’t just going to stand there and –“

“How is it so difficult for you to get this through your head?” Raphael snarled, though there was something flickering in his eyes that Simon couldn’t put his finger on. “You’re not one of them anymore. You’re not a _mundane_ anymore. They might have been your family before but they’re not anymore. You’re one of us. _We_ are your family now, your blood, your clan. You betrayed us, betrayed your own people, for some walking blood bags who –“

“I’m **NOT** one of you.” Simon shouted, fangs sinking into his lower lip as he jumped up. “I might be a vampire, and I might not fit in with them anymore like I used to, but I’m not a monster. I don’t need to be. I’m not going to throw away the people that have always been there for me just because – “

“You’re so naïve.” Raphael started, and this time Simon could read the expression on his face; it was sadness. “You think that they’ll treat you the same, that you’ll always be an equal to them, but you won’t be. Maybe today you are, because you’ve been of use to them, but as soon as you’re not?” He sneered. “They’ll toss you aside like yesterday’s trash because that’s who they are. Shadowhunters think they’re above us and that they’re better than us – you’ve seen it yourself.” Simon looked away. “I know you have. Whether you want to admit it or not, they’ll never look at you as just ‘Simon’ ever again. That part of your life is gone.” Raphael stood, fangs bared as his hands came down to curl into fists at his sides. “…and in a few decades, when everyone you once loved is dead and gone, you’ll realize it too late.” He paused. “If we let you live that long.”

Simon bristled, shifting his gaze to meet Raphael’s own as he swallowed thickly. The clan leader had never been the warmest person to be around but he’d never been this unpleasant either. He’d tolerated him, in the least, and humored him during the best of times. To see an icy glare in his direction now… Simon hated it. More than he’d thought he would.  Deciding that now wasn’t the time to press his luck, Simon backed up and sped away from the DuMort. Now that Jocelyn was awake he knew he’d be welcome at the Fray house – or at least he hoped he would – but that didn’t really help the ache that was spreading throughout his chest.

 

* * *

 

The ache didn’t go away.

Simon settled into a routine, a new life with his friends and his family, and as much as he thought it would be what he wanted… it wasn’t. He couldn’t go to his classes during the day, always had to make excuses to his mother and his sister as to why he never left his room, and lied to most of his friends and family. That is, the people that were still talking to him. Maureen would barely even look at  him when he’d turned up for band practice and Eric, ever the dutiful cousin, was freezing him out too. Not that he could blame him. As far as they knew, Simon had had some kind of mental breakdown, slept with Maureen, and disappeared for a couple of weeks. The running theory, or so he’d heard through the grapevine, was that he’d been in some rehab facility upstate drying out. He didn’t bother correcting anyone… what was the point? The truth was far less believable and every rock star had their ‘rehab’ stint to fall back on. He’d just… peaked early, that was all.

And if he spent a lot of his nights alone, lonely, clutching his chest like someone was trying to claw his unbeating heart out of it, it wasn’t something he talked about to anyone. Not even Clary.


End file.
